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The week ahead: prepare for 40 days of hurt

Conrad Astley
5/ 5/2006

AS the weeks count down to Germany 2006, there's only one thing you can guarantee - you won't be able to go anywhere without seeing that picture of Bobby Moore hoisted on his team-mates' shoulders lifting the World Cup.

And while conversations become increasingly dominated by metatarsals and 40 years of hurt, TV bosses are also putting on their rose-tinted spectacles to recall a more innocent time when the sun always shone, the beer was warm, and street parties were organised across the nation as we celebrated our success to the strains of Waterloo Sunset. Well, possibly.

Bobby Moore (Saturday, BBC2) is a portrait of the player that many of us know little about, despite his status as an official national treasure who, by law, must be honoured every four years.

With clips from home movies, we learn how the chubby lad who was last to be picked for school kickabouts overcame his problems, as well as how he fought testicular cancer.

Not really understanding the meaning of less is more, they're also bringing us World Cup Stories (Sunday, BBC2).

Just because we can't get enough of him, there's another helping of Bobby, with a bit of Jack Charlton and Bobby Charlton thrown in for good measure.

It's possible you may have heard some of these anecdotes before.

Sticking with the theme - sort of - Ray Winstone stars in All In The Game (Thursday, Channel 4) playing the corrupt manager of a struggling club, feathering his nest along with his equally dodgy sports agent of a son.

The drama is every bit as relentless as you'd expect, given its star.

There's no pool balls in socks, but it does contains no fewer than 136 f-words, seven c-words, and 15 more imaginative ones, many of which splutter forth from Ray's delicate mouth. Footballers' Wives this is not.

And if you like to watch barrow boys shouting at people, Sir Alan Sugar's 12-month recruitment drive reaches its conclusion with The Apprentice - The Final (Wednesday, BBC2).

We get to find out which lucky candidate is due to get hired by the Amstrad boss, and spend another year being shouted at.

Perhaps too easy a target for impressionists, Sir Alan comes in for some stick from the team behind Dead Ringers (Monday, BBC2).

They also turn their attention on George Galloway MP, Noel Edmonds and Dr Gillian McKeith, in a sketch which will delight viewers everywhere, as the self-appointed health guru finds herself on death row.